One day someone tells my mum that Zumba for Wii is "an amazing workout but a lot of fun too!". Before you know it, this brightly coloured ab-tastic box is sitting amongst the spring onions, pitta breads and taramasalata in our tesco shopping trolley.
Me: "But you don't ever use the Wii."
Mum: "I will now!"
Me: "That's what you said about Wii Fit."
Mum: "Well this is different."
Me: "How?"
Mum: " 'It's an amazing workout but a lot of fun too!' "
Me: ....
Needless to say, I'm sceptical about her devotion to it.
In the interest of objective opinion however, I wanted to see if it lived up to the hype. Cue 5 minutes (a full beginner's class is 20) of hip swirling, bum wiggling, arm waving, foot tapping, chest shaking, huffing & puffing physical labour. Maybe it was because I wasn't in the best attire (apparently jeans aren't considered correct zumba uniform... who knew), or maybe it was because I'd just returned from an hour long food shop that had involved debates over the best tomato, but 5 minutes of step learning and a further 5 minutes of a Zumba class, and I was about ready to sue Wii.
I started out trying to learn a few of the 'basic' steps. HA. Best example of misused language ever. To begin with, your instructor a.k.a Zumba Bitch (her new official title) seems friendly enough. "You're doing a great job. Keep going!" This is all fine and dandy when all you're doing is putting your right foot forward and back, forward and back, but as soon as the speed increases, the steps change almost without notice and Zumba Bitch isn't giving you any instructions, all her friendly encouragements becomes useless when it's pretty clear that you're doing it all wrong! This is the major downfall with Zumba for Wii- the lack of vocal instruction, especially in the beginner's stages. The only way to learn is by mirroring Zumba Bitch, and unfortunately she seems to think that we're all Jenny from the block. Learning step basics: HARD
Frustrated with learning the steps, I threw myself into a beginner's class. I was already quite tired from the anger, frustration and abuse screamed at Zumba Bitch in the step lesson, so that's why I think I only lasted five minutes in the beginner's class. However what I did experience seemed a lot more promising than the step lesson. Zumba Bitch seemed to have toned down a bit- no longer was I striving to be J-Lo or Shakira. The steps started simple enough and then gradually got a little more challenging, and I no longer felt the urge to hurl my Wii remote at the screen. In fact, the remote remained comfortably in my Zumba Belt: Exhibit A:
You can see the belt around the hips. And yes, that's me. Or at least it will be once I get over my slight dislike of Zumba Bitch and persevere with the sweat inducing, muscle aching exercise. Because I hate to say it, but despite the agony of trying to get the steps right, and the acute pain in your soles if you try doing it bare foot, if you like dance workouts Zumba looks to be what it was promised: "An amazing workout but a lot of fun too."
And on that note, I'm off for my next showdown with Zumba Bitch.
"Come on shake your body baby do that ZUMBA. I know you can't control yourself any longer... "
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