The Olympics

There's something very ironic about watching great athletes do what they do best, whilst lounging about on a comfortable sofa. Catholic guilt kicks in, and I feel like I should be rowing, swimming or... judo-ing? Instead I'm chilling out in pyjamas, cat on lap, box of Special K on standby.

Still, I like to think that while my body isn't experiencing any physical exertion, my subconscious is kicking into high gear and is being motivated as I sit. So that when I do eventually stand, perhaps I'll jog up the stairs instead of crawl. Maybe I'll jump over my coffee table- broken neck, optional- instead of strolling around it. And maybe, just maybe I'll make it out of the house and up the road to the corner shop.

But then again there really is no need to exert myself. I'm no Olympian.

Oh yeah, I have a blog.

I clearly have issues with commitment. The stacks and stacks of unfinished 'books' I've written are constant reminders that I'm not great at seeing things through, and which explain my significant absence from this little blogget. 

However, having abandoned my blog in February, it was nice knowing that when I returned I wouldn't find it had packed its suitcase and shacked up with some leggy blonde who knew how to treat it write (a little stupid wordplay, anyone?). The beauty of the internet ladies and gents; always there for you.

So in the interest of passing on useless information and keeping it short & sweet, here's a mini rundown of my last five months:

Slept.

Ate. 

Did some running. (The production kind, not the exercise kind)

Passed my driving test.

Went to the gym.

Stopped going to the gym.

Took photos.

Slept.

Sold at a number of car boot sales.

Re-painted furniture.

Put together furniture.

Decorated.

Slept.

Cheered on the Olympic Torch.

Stepped out of character.

Joined an agency. (Not of the sexy and/or dating variety)

Went on holiday.

Got brown.

Turned old. (Twenty One and Twelve months)

Got a job.

Won two pounds on a scratchcard.

Slept.

Which of those events was the most exciting, it's hard to tell. It's a toss up between the scratchcard win and sleeping I think.

Having now rediscovered my piece of internet estate, I'll hopefully be visiting more frequently and writing more words that (fingers crossed) form coherent sentences. Then again having said that, in the coming weeks/months I have to write countless personal statement drafts, officially apply for my PGCE, re-learn most of what was taught in English at school (what the hell is an adverb?), socialise (it's a hard life), sleep some more, take my pass plus driving course, get a car, take more photos and read Fifty Shades of Grey (let's see what the erotic fuss is all about, hmm?) If, after all of that, I manage to find time to write about doing all of that, then this will be where it happens. Stay tuned if you feel so pointlessly inclined.

Creative Writing Challenge

Stumble Upon is responsible for hours of procrastination and I LOVE IT. In my latest round of stumbling, I discovered this little creative challenge:

Today, we're heading to the dictionary for a creativity boost. Here's what I want you to do:
You're going to select six words and use them to write a story of less than 250 words. You will select your six words from:

• page 52, 11th word down
• page 111, 2nd word down
• page 144, 1st word down
• page 199, 9th word down
• page 255, 12th word down
• page 243, 6th word down

Now, that you have your six words, open the dictionary at random, close your eyes and select a word. That word will provide the subject of your story.

Use the first three words in your opening paragraph. The last three words may be sprinkled throughout the story.

So, with far more important things to be doing- like finding a job- I decided to accept this challenge instead. A 250 word piece of flash fiction is tricky enough, but add into the mix the most ridiculously random collection of words and you've got yourself quite a task. What I managed to come up with is by no means perfect, and I'm well aware that the end is slightly rushed, but with the words I found I'm pleasantly surprised with the results.

----

words: anisomeric, bargain hunter, blacklist, calcium chloride, caterwaul, checkroom.

subject: menopause

Standing on the roof of my high rise council estate, a few seconds away from eternal Catholic damnation, I contemplated my anisomeric existence.  Although there had been brief spells of promise, they had quickly dissolved in debts, blacklists, accusations and divorce. I had gone from being the perfect family man with a 60K payslip, to a regular car boot-er, desperately flogging my possessions to seasoned bargain hunters. And it had all started with the onset of my wife’s menopause.

June 2004. My wife’s 50^th surprise birthday party was supposed be getting underway in less than an hour. I was putting on my dinner jacket and practising my “our reservation’s at eight and we need to leave time to put our coats in the checkroom” speech, when I heard a horrendous caterwaul erupt from the bathroom.

“Jennifer!?”

“Who is she!?” came back the scream as she threw the door open, brandishing a bottle of fabric softner.

“What...?”

“Tell me or I swear to God I’ll drink this entire bottle!”

“I don’t...”

“Cationic Acrylate, Calcium Chloride Dihydrate... pretty sure it would kill me, don’t you think!?”

We never made it to the party. Her paranoia increased, I lost my job due to depression, and I was served divorce papers within the year. My wife's hormones had marked the start of my demise, even though I had talked her out of suicide.

And as I flew off the roof, I only wished she'd been there to talk me out of it too.

---

It's a bit of fun for anyone who considers themselves as 'having a way with the words.' Plus it's a great time waster that still manages to make you feel productive! If you feel like giving it a go, I'd love to see what you come up with so post it in the comments below :)

The Iron Lady (2012)

Main Cast: Meryl Streep, Jim Broadbent, Richard E.Grant, Anthony Head

Plot Summary: Suffering with dementia, one of England's most notorious Prime Ministers, Margaret Thatcher, looks back at her life.

The Good: - I will always find it hard to fault Meryl Streep. The woman's a phenomenal actress who completely immerses herself in her roles, including this one. For those who remember Thatcher, Streep's portrayal is eerily accurate. As my mum said, "sometimes you weren't sure if you were looking at Maggie or Meryl." It's all in the details, and Streep obviously did her research pre-film, bringing Thatcher's nuances to the screen in a captivating performance.

-The rest of the cast were also successful, and supported Streep's starring role well. Alexandra Roach as the young Margaret and Olivia Colman as Carol Thatcher, both played their parts with determination and precision, not to mention Broadbent who is always so lovely to watch. 

The Bad: - Overall, the story line was badly constructed and the general premise misguided. Choosing to show Thatcher as she is now, struggling with dementia, was a poor decision. Firstly, it's unfair on the living Thatcher, her friends and family. Secondly, it means focusing on a part of her life which is by no means the greatest, and which simply ends up highlighting the flaws of old age, rather than concentrating on the historical figure that Thatcher is. With 11 years in Parliament and many achievements (and failures) throughout, there was much more that the film could have considered.

-Although the use of flashbacks is an easy way to look at part of Thatcher's history, it meant the film was greatly lacking. The most famous aspects of Thatcher's leadership were only briefly shown and most were simply skimmed over. It seems a shame that when there is such a story to be told, it was wasted on flashbacks and images of an old lady talking to herself. 

Memorable Moment: -Prime Ministers Questions. A good example of where Streep excelled at portraying 'The Iron Lady.'

Score: 4/10

Verdict: Other than Streep's excellent impersonation, the film is very forgettable with a badly chosen focal point. If director Phillipa Lloyd wanted to make a film about dementia and old age, she needn't have pretended to make it about a living legend. If however she'd chosen to do a true biopic of Thatcher, the dementia and pathetic little old lady aspect was totally unnecessary. As someone who didn't know the extent of Thatcher's history going into the film, I learnt nothing having seen it. All 'The Iron Lady' succeeded in doing was reminding us how amaze-balls, Meryl Streep truly is. 

Christmas: Am I losing my touch?

In the immortal words of a festive music legend: IT'S CHRIIIIISTMAS.

Nearly, anyway.

It's no secret that I'm a Christmas fanatic. Come boxing day I fall into a deep depression with the knowledge that it's a whole year away. Sure, leftovers help ease the pain for a while, but they're only a small plaster over the gaping bullet wound that is the end of Christmas. And then while everyone else is mourning the end of summer ('oooh it's getting cold!!'), I'm growing more excited by the day at the prospect of jingle bells!

My love of the season probably isn't all that healthy. I mean, what does it say about me? I'm superficial, too focused on the shiny things in life instead of reality, too materialistic? Yes, yes, yes. I like the superficial silly things, I definitely prefer the shiny glitz to the boring grey of daily life, and I enjoy tangible joys. During the year I have to tone down these negative qualities and focus on the positive, but at Christmas? HA. I can go crazy and not feel guilty about it! I can get excited over finding a stray Santa decoration I'd forgotten existed. I can squeal when I find the tinsel and realise I have just the right length to decorate my entire room. And I can most definitely enjoy the over crowded, over stressed and over the top shopping experience. I love it all.

My favourite thing however, has failed to be effectively expressed in the John Lewis Christmas ad. There's been a fair amount of criticism over it- my main issue is that a kid that age is not going to be affording anything from John Lewis for his parents. They'll be lucky if they get a coat hanger shaped into something other than a coat hanger. But I understand the general idea behind it, because my genuinely favourite part of Christmas is the giving of presents. Now I know that's not what Christmas is about bla bla bla, and thank you Jesus for being born all those years ago, but I love that feeling you get when you know you've hit the present on the head. I've always considered myself quite the present giver, and that's because I analyse people for the few months in the lead up to Christmas. I listen a little more carefully to their stories, and amidst all the general crap that is chit-chat, I get ideas for their present. So when Christmas finally comes and Person A can tear open my expertly wrapped gift (most of my talents revolve around this season...), their reaction is totally worth the effort of paying that little bit more attention.

Which finally brings me to my point. I fear my skills haven't effectively been put to use this year. Usually around this time I'd have most of my presents sorted, with only a few loose ends needing to be tied up. That's not the case this year. I have a number of the smaller gifts, but I'm totally stuck on the biggies. Problem 1: A severe lack of funds. Despite the recent acquirement of a job (WEHEY) I am well into my overdraft. Not good. Problem 2: An even greater lack of ideas!! This is my field, my talent, my greatest advantage!! And yet I find myself having to ask people what they want. I never ask! I always find and fulfill a need that may not have even been known. But now here I sit, head in hands, begging the fat man in the red suit for inspiration.

Of course, I know none of it really matters. Christmas isn't about the presents, and my family don't care what's under the paper. But that's not the point! When I give a present it's not about the actual physical item, but the time, thought and effort that's gone into it. That's what I love giving, and that's what everyone appreciates receiving. This year I feel like there is no time (I can't believe it's December already...), my thinking hat isn't fulfilling it's job description, and I seem to be making no effort to fix the situation. This has left me feeling all a little overwhelmed. Of course it doesn't help that every time I think of a possible solution, I forget it before I have the chance to write it down. Dear Santa, this year I'd like a new brain please.

I'm hoping that as they did with all my essays, the ideas will start to flow with just enough time to spare. In the meantime I plan to go overboard on the Christmas music, write my Christmas cards, and enjoy the festivities. Because for all it's commercialism, money-making and present stress, 'tis the season to be jolly tra la la la la la la la la!!

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)

Main Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H.Macy

Plot Summary: A defense attorney struggles with the moral and tangible implications of his job when he learns his latest client is practiced at beating the system.

The Good: - I was pleasantly surprised by McConaughey's performance! I've never been his biggest fan. His southern drawl in films such as How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days and Failure to Launch, doesn't leave you thinking of him as the most credible of actors. But watching The Lincoln Lawyer (and the day before that A Time to Kill- another good film to watch!) I've realised that he can be more than an annoying love interest. His portrayal of the somewhat sleazy and extremely resourceful lawyer, Mick Haller, who fears not being able to recognise innocence, is both truthful and captivating. McConaughey carries us along effortlessly, leaving us both rooting for and pitying Haller and his career.

-The plot is really quite interesting and reflective of a system many have issues with. The big lawyer question "Would you rather send an innocent man to jail, or let a guilty man go free?" is heavily present throughout. There are plenty of legal thrillers out there, and The Lincoln Lawyer sits comfortably and successfully among them.

The Bad: - As much as I enjoyed McConaughey, I despised Ryan Phillipe. Whilst the former managed to change my opinion of him, the latter did not. Phillipe is the same in ever film, no matter who he plays. His attempts at an intense stare, or the way his mouth awkwardly forms words just leaves me wanting to throw things at the screen. We all have our pet peeves, and he is definitely one of mine. Get him out of Hollywood. Please.

Memorable Moment: -Haller's "business meeting" with bikers in his "office"- his Lincoln car.

Score: 7/10

Verdict: If you're a fan of legal battles, lawyer mumbo jumbo, and any films that involve a courthouse, you'll get on well with The Lincoln Lawyer. A decent watch that might not change your life philosophy, but will certainly leave you feeling cinematically satisfied whilst perhaps having you question the legal system.

Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire (2009)

Main Cast: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey

Plot Summary: An illiterate, abused, over-weight, pregnant teen narrates her story as she tries to make a better life for herself.

The Good: - The cast. Every one of them was captivating; even Mariah Carey. But without a doubt Mo'Nique stood out. No wonder she won the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Her portrayal of the physically, verbally and emotionally abusive mother left me in awe. I don't ever remember hating a character so intensely whilst at the same time wanting to see more and more of her! She was, by far, my favourite element of the whole film, despite wanting to violently push her off her own tower block on more than one occasion. 

-Precious' way of escaping her horrific life is through her imagination, and her daydreams are handled brilliantly by the editing team. Integrated into the story seamlessly, the sparks of imagination appear when Precious is at her lowest. Whether it's a white woman's reflection in the mirror instead of her own, or a photograph of her mother saying loving things, these insights into Precious' psyche (as well as her own moving and heartbreaking narration) gives another emotional dimension to an already drastically sad story.

The Bad: - Certain moments drag out for a little too long, and therefore I was left with the feeling that the 109 minute film was perhaps a bit lengthy- I was ready for it to end half an hour before it did. 

-Although Gabourey Sidibe was excellent as Precious, it was sometimes quite hard to understand her. She is perfectly understood in the TV Series 'The Big C' (also brilliant by the way- check it out) and although I understand why she spoke the way she did for this character, I was constantly wanting her to speak up; I'm sure a lot of what she said was supposed to be profound and moving, but I didn't catch a lot of it!

Memorable Moment: -Precious' mother's speech in the Welfare office. Surprisingly touching.

Score: 7/10

Verdict: If for no other reason than to learn and be aware of how some people are forced to live, Precious should be seen by everyone. It's a real eye opener, and a teenager's life of abuse interwoven with her dreams of a better life is painfully sad and hard hitting. At it's most basic, Precious is a comment on people's capabilities for bad and good, and more than that it manages to comment on society as a whole without ever seeming preachy. Definitely worth a watch.